Chemo Funk

With every treatment i seem to get a little worse. My mood, my health, my attitude, my outlook, everything is getting ugly. I try to stay positive mostly for my kids. I shower and dress and put on makeup everyday no matter how bad i feel so that they won't know. The pain medication (dilaudid) definitely helps with the pain. I just seem to be grouchy and nothing to be grouchy about. I feel sick all the time, even when i should be feeling better and be bouncing back. I think i have entered a chemo funk. I need to figure out something to pull me out of this. The little things in life that have always made me so happy are not doing the job anymore. I used to be able to watch a funny movie or have my kids say something so cute and innocent to pull me out of a bad mood. Just a little laugh was all it took. These things still make me laugh, they just don't help to make me feel better. I am feeling so unappreciative. I know i have so much to be grateful for. I have a great family and awesome friends. I am getting treatment at one of the best hospitals in California and have truly fantastic nurses. Five more treatments to go, then happy go lucky Brandi will be back. I know what i need is a good party to make me feel better. I think we will plan the biggest New Years Eve party ever. I should be feeling better by then and the funkiness will be gone.